Following the Universe's lead....getting out of my marriage
SO,
This is a big one and albeit I am sure there will be alot of hits on this. I bravely forge through though in the hope (as always) that my words can inspire someone to make the change for the betterment of their earthly life.
I have been married for 4 years and dated my husband for a year and a half prior to this. While we were dating, I got pregnant and within the same year, we got married, got a condo and had a baby. I don't want to say our marriage was awful or just based on the fact that I got pregnant. We loved each other on some small facet but it was not the blinding, forceful soulmate love I yearned for.
I lied to myself and said I could do this. I could commit to this marriage for the sake of my child and make it work for the kids. And so, being as ambitious and hard working as I am, I set forth and put my all into it. of course, even though I gave it my all, some of that "all" included frustration at being in the wrong relationship with the wrong man.
Friends, i don't want to go into too much about this as I respect my husband's privacy and wish him no embarassment or harm. Just know that we are currently seperated and on our way to a divorce and we have both made peace with my decision at this point.
What I really want to talk about is how, despite my Christian upbringing, I was pushed into this decision by God himself!
My husband and I had alot of problems from day One. We fought alot and tried to make it work but despite our best interests, we both knew we were two very different people. I am a highly evolved and conscious individual and he prefers to live and be in this world. When I tried to grow spiritually on my own, not only did he not support me but he actually got in the way and this added to my frustration as I couldn't balance a work and married life anymore.
Earlier this year, I started getting messages from my spirit guides that we weren't going to make it. They started letting me know that I would be raising my kids (2 beautiful sons) alone and they wanted to prepare me. More than prepared, I was afraid. I felt I couldn't do it, I wasn't strong enough and I definitely got accustomed to the cushy lifestyle my husband provided. Again they prodded me, reminding me that my life here was to teach and inspire, not blend in the suburbia background and fade out. They told me I had a duty to the millions of people out there living unconsciously and I had to sacrifice my comfort for their sake. Well when you put it like that, i couldn't argue could I? I agreed and told them I would do this but they must send my soulmate at a later date because I knew he was here on earth at the same time as me and I would need his help in life. They agreed and said he was already searching for me and would find me when the time was right.
About 6 months passed from the time I was alerted to the fact that I would be single and to the day I woke up and knew in my heart this wasn't working. I quietly had a talk with my husband in which I asked him, "Do you think we will be together forever?" To which he replied, "No." Seems he knew it too but we were both afraid to make this decision as we knew how many people we would upset in the process.
Luckily, we don't cave to peer pressure and we forged ahead; handling all the drama and grief associated with such a disassociation. there have been good days and bad days and being an empath, I pick up his emotions quite easily and am affected by them daily. However, I fight the fear of growing old by myself, never loving again and not meeting my true soul mate and I forge ahead not for myself but for people out there like you.
I came to Earth for you people. To motivate, to inspire and to link you into the awareness that is continually growing everyday. It is because of you, I sacrfice a comfortable earthly lifestyle, stability and financial independance. You mean the world to me and it is my job to seek you out and help you live your life fully.
My message is clear friends. Do not follow the ways of this world, but the ways of your heart. Your heart is your direct connection to Source and if you follow it, you will never be led astray. The road less travelled has alot of vines and overgrown tree branches in the beginning, but keep pushing and you will finally see the smooth road leading out to a beautiful sunset. Shanti Om,
Alexandra
This is a big one and albeit I am sure there will be alot of hits on this. I bravely forge through though in the hope (as always) that my words can inspire someone to make the change for the betterment of their earthly life.
I have been married for 4 years and dated my husband for a year and a half prior to this. While we were dating, I got pregnant and within the same year, we got married, got a condo and had a baby. I don't want to say our marriage was awful or just based on the fact that I got pregnant. We loved each other on some small facet but it was not the blinding, forceful soulmate love I yearned for.
I lied to myself and said I could do this. I could commit to this marriage for the sake of my child and make it work for the kids. And so, being as ambitious and hard working as I am, I set forth and put my all into it. of course, even though I gave it my all, some of that "all" included frustration at being in the wrong relationship with the wrong man.
Friends, i don't want to go into too much about this as I respect my husband's privacy and wish him no embarassment or harm. Just know that we are currently seperated and on our way to a divorce and we have both made peace with my decision at this point.
What I really want to talk about is how, despite my Christian upbringing, I was pushed into this decision by God himself!
My husband and I had alot of problems from day One. We fought alot and tried to make it work but despite our best interests, we both knew we were two very different people. I am a highly evolved and conscious individual and he prefers to live and be in this world. When I tried to grow spiritually on my own, not only did he not support me but he actually got in the way and this added to my frustration as I couldn't balance a work and married life anymore.
Earlier this year, I started getting messages from my spirit guides that we weren't going to make it. They started letting me know that I would be raising my kids (2 beautiful sons) alone and they wanted to prepare me. More than prepared, I was afraid. I felt I couldn't do it, I wasn't strong enough and I definitely got accustomed to the cushy lifestyle my husband provided. Again they prodded me, reminding me that my life here was to teach and inspire, not blend in the suburbia background and fade out. They told me I had a duty to the millions of people out there living unconsciously and I had to sacrifice my comfort for their sake. Well when you put it like that, i couldn't argue could I? I agreed and told them I would do this but they must send my soulmate at a later date because I knew he was here on earth at the same time as me and I would need his help in life. They agreed and said he was already searching for me and would find me when the time was right.
About 6 months passed from the time I was alerted to the fact that I would be single and to the day I woke up and knew in my heart this wasn't working. I quietly had a talk with my husband in which I asked him, "Do you think we will be together forever?" To which he replied, "No." Seems he knew it too but we were both afraid to make this decision as we knew how many people we would upset in the process.
Luckily, we don't cave to peer pressure and we forged ahead; handling all the drama and grief associated with such a disassociation. there have been good days and bad days and being an empath, I pick up his emotions quite easily and am affected by them daily. However, I fight the fear of growing old by myself, never loving again and not meeting my true soul mate and I forge ahead not for myself but for people out there like you.
I came to Earth for you people. To motivate, to inspire and to link you into the awareness that is continually growing everyday. It is because of you, I sacrfice a comfortable earthly lifestyle, stability and financial independance. You mean the world to me and it is my job to seek you out and help you live your life fully.
My message is clear friends. Do not follow the ways of this world, but the ways of your heart. Your heart is your direct connection to Source and if you follow it, you will never be led astray. The road less travelled has alot of vines and overgrown tree branches in the beginning, but keep pushing and you will finally see the smooth road leading out to a beautiful sunset. Shanti Om,
Alexandra
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Renata Martin on -
○●○ 2009-10-17 (20h55/EST) ● ॐ Namaste Beloved. Was in a couple-like marriage minus the papers, for almost a decade. When, after making myself literally sick over it, I realized it could no longer go on, my companion also admitted he'd felt the same for over 2 years. On the final night we held each other, silently crying, yet somehow filled with an aching tenderness for what had been.
Then, on the day I left, filled with confusing apprehension about an uncertain future - I only knew then, that despite our sincerity and earnest aspirations, it had become a destructive facsimile instead of a ReElationShip. In the car/cab, don't remember which, driving me away, I turned for one last look...
The huge advertising billboard, on the rooftop over our shared apartment had been changed overnight. It now was filled with an insurance (or as I like think of it an 'assurance') ad - within a clearing blue sky, rainbow included and a giant Dove (Peace to cOMe symbol) with in bold letters across saying 'Free yourself !' Some OM*Cues are more evident than other...
It took a couple of decades, to mature & appreciate the invaluable life lessons we shared together. SoulY BeCause, I had another dualistic interlude to travel through. I know, I've always loved and shall continue to love this person. Perhaps, more deeply than I could then, even though we journey in parallel paths.
The distillation of our time together hinted at an indestructible Essence-to-All which will manifest itself amidst the shadow play ego-based paradigms upon which we blindly sail, mistaking ourselves for the unwitting puppet/role we be-lie ourselves to be. So, that when those embattled walls crumble our Spirits can once more soar into the Light and we’ve ReMEmBer some of our Truth...
Which brings me to the tie-in to your discussion’s title Following the Universe’s Lead... - also synonym to Trusting Your Intuition, Destiny, Karma, Etc... Some, believe it to be a predestined path, others one we create, in either case there is an infinite variations contained with their justification-reasoning. Or some yet, say all this is an illusion and attempts at polarizing meaning distorts the true purpose of Being – for all is WithIn/WithOut...
WhatEver, you believe, ergo Be, the importance might simply Be in how you Man♥I♥Fest OM/Love...
Bises Renata...
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Permalink Reply by Alexandra Tibbs on -
Much Love Renata!
Thank you for motivating me and reminding me this is the right decision! I will keep updates on how this progresses but I know this was part of my plan. My work on Earth is crucial and lengthy and I am constantly shedding earth matters for more spiritual ones. Shanti Om,
Alex
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Permalink Reply by Renata Martin on
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○●○ 2009-10-19 (01h44/EST) ● ॐ Namaste Beloved Alexandra. It warms my heart that you find solace in our sharing and especially the part were you Trust YourSelf.
If you enjoy reading, or even have time, perhaps you might check out Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love at Penguin Books. Which basically is the true story of this woman who also Followed the Universe’ Lead by getting out of a seemingly perfect marriage and eventually took a year to rediscover herself. I found it very witty, totally authentic and inspiring.
Got a busy time ahead – so also trust OM/Love is always with you. Bises Renata...
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Permalink Reply by Alexandra Tibbs on
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Renata my love! I have read her book! Lol, it touched me on so many levels because I could relate to her. I don't need the material and temporary security of the big house and good life. I crave connection. Connection to people, to my soul mate, to Source. It is through the continual nourishment of my heart that I am able to bless others in bountiful ways. I find that when I am happy and content, everyone else around me shines brightly too. Om/Love is within me and is me. I believe, Shanti Om
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Permalink Reply by Renata Martin on
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2009-10-20 (20h/EST) - Salut Chérie !
Since you crave connection + are here for planetary changes did you check out Aurora Carlson's - World Healers Forum Group ?
She also added a multi-fold sharing/connection saying in her 'Come co-create your life together in the WHF group!' Discussion Topic : "Come use the power of group energy to manifest a better life for yourself and for those around you!"
Just a thought that you might enjoy journeying with her & these kindred spirits...
Bises Renata...
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Permalink Reply by Kerry Stewart-Haynes on -
All the very best to you Alexandra.
I went through similar and have been raising my three sons alone for nearly seven years. It's not always an easy path but it is a lot easier than feeling trapped in a difficult marriage. After fighting so hard to hold on, the biggest freedom came when I realised that sometimes what is best for all is letting go. I have grown so much ~ I have found my own wings to fly ~ and there are no regrets.
I wish this much and more for you!
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Permalink Reply by Alexandra Tibbs on
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thank you Kerry! your words move and inspire me and I thank you deeply from my heart for sharing!
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